twas the day after christmas!

Soooo xmas 08 has passed..i got a new northface backpack, nike running shoes, uggs (which i specifically asked not for but now i prob will wear despite my very long history of hating them), new ipod nano which might be the beest present because now i can actually see what im doing..oh and we got wii and wii fit which im obsessed with even though the balance test told me i was in my late 30's..lol i didnt feel as bad after 2 military guys got 20 years older than their actual age as well lol the days leading up to christmas were quiet at times and dramaful at others but hey thats st mary county. the best part of christmas in smc are the lights and horses on flat iron road. it really is the biggest thing to an attraction we have here unless you count the PAX naval base as an attraction. haha so other than catching up on movies (so far i have watched hancock, horton hears a who, stepbrothers, grinch both versions and the dark knight, and im about to go to blockbuster again) i have been working out alot. Today I went to St. Mary's lake which has a 7.5 mile biking trail but I actually decided to run it to start to retrain for a half marathon again. It was cold and I stopped once cuz I tripped over a root haha but I made it..def the first time I have run distance in a while so thats a good first step. hmm well tomorrow meme is coming and then sunday is my moms birthday party thing then monday my sis has a game and tuesday jamie comes home and wed is new years eve :) woo so exciting times ahead..thats about all i can think of. now time to watch some more movies!

so let go all of these mixed emotions...

Are you a Tigger or an Eeyore?

Okay so I havent blogged in a while cuz i have been so busy with finals and stuff but thats not over so that means im back yay...ok so I spent this day reading the entire book entitled the Last Lecture and watching the lecture online. For those of you who have not heard of this amazing story, it is about Randy Pausch, a computer science professor at Carngeie Mellon, as well as father to a 1, 3, and 5 year old, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and told he had only 3-6 months left to live. He gave his last lecture, entitled 'Achieveing your childhood Dreams' in September 2007 in his favorite lecture hall at the University, filling all 400 seats. About nine months later, the disease finally got the best of him.
It is not in his illness or death that this story lies however; it actually lies in his life. Reading this book really opened my eyes. Randy was part of so many things in his life and really did believe that whatever it is you want to accomplish you can do it if you are persisitant. This was kind of an emotional day because my mom told me how much Randy reminded her of my dad and things he would say while he was on the rollercaster terminal cancer ride. She said they might have been twins, especially their outlooks on life. I always knew this in my heart but reading this book, in a way, helped me heal even more, which I am always longing and wanting to do. Sorry if this is a little heavy, but I just pretended some of this was coming from my dad, and from what I knew about my dad, I have to agree that him and Randy are very similar. So intelligent, loving toward their families, unselfish, silly, goofy, comforting, strong, persisitant, dream chasing, and never giving in.
The whole talk was about reaching your dreams, helping other get to theirs, and lessons you will learn along the way. No part of the talk was spent talking about feeling sorry for him or what it is liek to live with cancer or how hard it will be for his family. This absolutely blew me away because he had no self guilt and spent his talk on somoething far more valualbe; his life and what he has learned. He claimed this talk was for his kids but I know for a fact it has inspired millions, because I am one of them...If you have an hour watch Randys talk. It may give you just a little hint of how to live happier and breather easier...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo


So, I'll leave this with some of my favorite quotes from the book:

"If you can dream it, you can do it." -From Walt Disney of course

"...my dad always taught me when there's an elephant in the room, introduce it. If you look at my CT scans, there are approximately ten tumors in my liver, and the docotors told me I have three to six months of good health left. That was a month ago, so you can do the math. All right. That's what it is. We cant change it. We just have to decide how we'll respond. We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."

"Even if the scan results are bad tomorrow, I just want you to know it feels great to be alive, and to be here today, alive with you. Whatever news we get about the scans, I'm not going to die when I hear it. I won't die the next day, or the day after, or the day after that. So today, right now, well this is a wonderful day. And I want you to know how much I'm enjoying it."

"Not everything needs to be fixed."

If you wait long enough, people will surprise and impress you. ...in the end, people will show you their good side. Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting. It will come out."

"Complaining doesn't work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it wont make us haappier."

"When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, its really simple. Just ignore everything they say andonly pay attention to what they do."

"Brick walls are not there to keep us out.The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something."

When giving an apology, any performance lower than an A just doesnt cut it."

"'Please tell them about having fun, because that's what I will remember you for.' And I said, 'I can do that, but its kind of like a fish talking about the importance of water.' I mean, I dont know how NOT to have fun. I'm dying and I'm having fun. And I'm going to keep having fun every day I have left, because there's no other way to play it."

'When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you, that means they've given up on you."

"Just because you're in the drivers seat doesn't mean you have to run people over."

and i need you like a heartbeat...

i cant stop obsessing over t. swift, and i know ive already said this a million times but how does she relate to every mood im in? i feel like everyone around me is sad and its kinda getting to me. seriously all i have done today is some work and intensely stalked people on facebook. a little bit sad. and all this facebook stalking made me mad, mad that so many people have changed and act like they dont care about anyone or anything anymore. i understand getting caught up in your own shit cuz it happens to everyone but there are some people out there who

then i think about messed up stuff that people have done to me, and in some cases, these people have still proved to be good people and apoligized but in other cases, they havent and prob wont aas much as i wish they would. Its actually really sad i still have so much faith in people. It somce in handy sometimes because i do give people the benefit of the doubt but seriously, some people suck. Like i dont want to admit it but some people who are and were extremely close to me just flat out suck as people and do not care about me back. There is a certian situation going on right now and one of my friends is such a huge aasshole and i dont know if they were never put into this context before or how their true colors neever were revealed prior to this, but i cannot get over how they are treating some of the my other friends. Its absolutely baffling, and i do just dismiss it as aa phase but im starting to think that these people are growing into their personality that will stick with them their whole life. Looking for arguments, letting themselves be stepped all over, shutting themselves off from people who care about them, i have seen it all this semester.

and i guess something that me and boom were talking aabout earlier today is starting to get to me...there are so few people that are worth time and effort in this world but why when you find one of them you either do someething to mess it up or they do? why cant we just havenormal relationships with nice people? Why can we neever find the right way to show we care and express our appreciation? First, i thought he was just trippin but then after i thought about it, it really is true. like people who used ot be so important, somehow things have changed between us and no one does anything to stop it..ughh then you just try to make new friends but whats the point if every relationship is goiong to end in no one caring about the other person. i guess i just cant understand why you wouldnt waant to keep in contact with people you love or once did love. finding a good person in this world can be hard and once you have them in your life, show them you care..

ok well i hear they are making peanut butter cookies across the hall so that means i am going there now...ha yea just call me fattie


back up, baby, back up
did you forget everything?

this airplane is a ribbon...

i havent blogged in forever. so this week sucked. two huge tests, didnt do good, and i feel like im suffocating under all the pressure and work i have left to do before next tuesday when i go home. last night was sigkap formal and it was sooo much fun. my matchmaking skills are awesome and the ginger couple and dei and ned had alot of fun. plenty of pictures will be up on facebook soon..when my computer decides to stop acting like its broken all the time.

so the question for tonight is should i go to johns holigay party or should i study with scott? either way, my night is going to be full of gay boys, which i love. i love knowing all the gay boys and the drama with the gay clique. they are so cute with each other and i know its weird but im kind of jealous of them in my own wierd little way. they live in their own little world and its like this private club that no one can really become a part of haha i dunno so ill prob study because im so stressed out about everything. i feel like im always doing work though..

i think i have an unhealthy obsession with lyrics. i know a few of my friends can understand this, but i dont think its normal anymore to sit on my computer for hours and waste my life away looking up lyrics to every single song i love. I used to do it with the purpose of putting away messages up but now i dont really have alot of mysterious away messages but im still addicted to lyrics hunting. any why? i read the lyrics, i love them, but i never do anything with them or see them again. I wish i could write my own poems with the beautifulness that some song lyrics have, but maybe it just wont work because there is no music to my poems. a melody creates something that wasnt there before. The melody can convey emotion or emphasis in a song where if you were just looking at the lyrics, you would never guess. well this doesnt really have a point im just rambling. so im gonna go try to do something productive...

but im scared to death that i wont see you around...

its the most wonderful time of the year

I'm sitting on the couch at home, half decorating for christmas and half watching the maryland boston college game...so far today i woke up, ate like three bowls of cereal, did a paper, watched the great gatsby with my gma, went for a run and showered...i feel like its christmas and im getting really upset that I have to go back to school tomorrow morning and start worrying about things again..i feel like the holiday season is underway but college students cannot really focus on the holiday until finals are over which is robbig us of the christmas joy. instead of happiness my days will be filled with orgo and physics for the next two and a half weeks..what a shame..ill be home again on the 16th and I cannot wait esp cuz jamie will be home for part of break yay! This break has been great though..ill give a little sumary..

tuesday night-drive around the county in emilys new element
wednesday-mall with kristen, green door!!
thursday-parade, thanksgiving food, mom and dads wedding video, md bball game (we beat michigan state), twilight which was amazing
friday-haircut, panera, errands, christmas tree lighting, salsa's, bonfire

and i already told you what i did today..ok well i dont really have much else to say..perhaps i will try to study soon..:(


And you flashback to when he said forever and always...

practice makes perfect...

Today is sunday, which means i have two huge papers to write so this is a low but seeing since it is before noon, i suppose i have enough time to blog for a little...
yesterday=definite high. woke up, made mashed potatoes and stuffing, ate thanksgiving dinner at the gingerbread house with all the homies, this was followed by heavy drinking, a few of us braving it out at the football game then coming home and passing out. we lost by like 30 points to fl state which is kind of pathetic seeing as how we just won to UNC who was ranked way above us. i dont know..its weird when our football or basketball team sucks i do get embarrassed that i go here. like i understand im not actually playing but i just feel like we should be amazing and when we get killed or are the most inconsistent team in the world it is embarrassing. if we would have lost to vermont in bball on friday i would have been super embarrassed cuz we have such a good reputation for sports and its like my team losing to some team where their school doesnt even care about them and they get nowhere near as much finding as we get..haha i dont know i just want us to be better.

so im going home for thanksigiving break on tuesday night. only a few things stand in my way. i already have lots of plans for break but we will see how everything goes. Green door on wednesday night, making xmas sweaters with dei, going over colbys, hanging out, seeing twlight, studying :( but im happy just to get away..meme flew in yesterday also and i think she is using a walker so this break might be different for our fam.

to what jamie blogged about yesterday, there are sooo many moments in my life i wish i could relive or just go back to to expiereience the amount of happiness i felt at that particular moment. sometimes you imagine yourself being so happy at some moment in the past and think that you will never reach that again, but this is a huge illusion you mind tries to trick you with. i just try to remember that every second i spend dwelling on the past is a second i am taking away from the present, and i am really just robbing myself of happiness i could be in right now. it may seem like what you used to have was better than what you have now but its all mental..its the easiest thing in the world to give up and think that life sucks and nothing is fair and you have lost things you will never get back; it is hard to let go and love where you are at in every single moment and whoever your with. its the people in your life that make it and i know what it feels like to lose them let me tell you. Im not saying to ignore it when that happens...just let whatever feeling you have roll through you and then be done with it. If it is out of your control, just dont let it ruin your life. everyone can rebuild no matter what the size of the tornado is...and i think t swift agrees with living for the present..

Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day
With you today

7 things i have realized today (and its only 3PM):

1. My micro TA has a gf and despite what I think, he does NOT want to have an affair with me (thanks ned for pointing that out)
2.I hate scooters and swim team coaches with a passion
3. You feel super cool when you spend 10 minutes learning ROY G BIV in your physics 2 class and than your crazy but adorable professor in his clogs and vest tells you to come closer because despite what you think he does shower everyday and that the church used to think rainbows were a sign that god was happy the storm was over
4. Eric Cullen is the most perfect character to ever be created
5. My ipod is alive (see post from this morning)
6. Only is the weirdest English word ever created..just think about it for a while
7. Colby emily kristen and I have the sweetest dance moves ever and we are going to showcase them on thanksgiving day by dancing to the on the line song that girl will never be mine by N sync.

best wishes....

ok you know those songs that just remind you of someone you are trying desperately to not think about or forget? i hate it when that happens but it seems like sometimes, one person has the ability to take over your entire ipod and every single song that comes on can be tied to them in some way or another..then your like well crap, i should just give up on listening to music in general because they have ruined half of your favorite songs and the other half just makes you get all sappy and weird about the past when you don't even have time to be thinking about the past anyway in your day that is jammed packed with a hundred and two things to do..so thats where I'm at today. it is Wednesday, hump day, the day that seems to last forever, the day that i have to go to my stupid two hour shift at work from 5-7 that most of the time pushes me over the edge. you know, usually is sooo easy for me to be happy and focus on the current day and current situation (which i think is actually the key to being happy...not dwelling on the past or fearing the future but just living) but today i feel like is an off day. so yea im gonna keep on keeping on and probably snap out of it since now that i got that out. Maybe my ipod will even change its attitude and give me some happy pump up songs. A new ipod for Christmas would most likely solve this problem..just throwing that out there..but ok enjoy your frigid day ps it snowed yesterday!! :)



i miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain...
so in love that im acting insane.

All there's left to do is run......

sooo, now its my turn to blog about my taylor swift obsession. i cant stop listening to this dang album. my favorites at the current moment would be def the way i loved you, breathe, and hey stephen..even though my sister hates on choice 3...but I made dei listen to the album today while we were hanging out "studying" and by studying i mean rocking out, facebook stalking, eating cookies, gossiping, and watching sydney white...but yea i got her addicted to i think. I dont get how t. swift (as i so affectionately call her) writes all these lovely songs about love..like how many relationships could this girl have possibly had in her 16 years of life? I guess she is a really good guesser because I would without a doubt live my life by her songs which is weird since she is so much younger than me. Ok keeping with the media track, i found out twlight comes out next weekend, not the 12th which i had marked in my calender so now im super pumped for that...also TRl finale was on tonight..not that i watch it anymore or anything but it was strange to think back on how addicted i was..actually everyone was with that show..especially in the otown days :) which by the way, fyi i found out tonight that vlad is an APA (ashley parker angel) fan...WHOKNEW!? he is def the only boy i know who would ever admt to liking ashley..so now i love him even more than before if thats possible haha

in other areas of my life,this weekend was pretty eventful. we had club bball championships here at UMD in the armory and over 20 teams were here. Besides being very stressful, it was extrmely tiring. We played five games, lost to UVA and peen state for the concellation ship(yes i am aware that is not how you spell that)...so not too good but what are you going to do? ugh besides that ltown girls high school soccer state championship was last night and it was pretty fun cuz i got to see colb and wasted josh and heather in her duct tape dress that she even wore out to the bar that night...props to you heath.. and evan who i havent seen in ages and just had acl surgery...so i was glad i went but yeaaaa... oh and tonight was ASB kickoff which was cool cuz me and puja (my cotrip leader) got to meet all our pariticpants who i should be friending on facebook as we speak but oh well ill just do it tomorrow..

Ok well its mad late so i am pooped..so ill end the blog like i began it..with a little t. swift love for you all..

Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

Anytime I need to see your face, I just close my eyes..

Take what you're given before its gone...
start holding on, keep holding on..
Don’t grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.
there are some things you have to let go... but that doesn’t mean they should leave you.
Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery.
today is a gift...that’s why it’s called the present.
Never forget yesterday, but always live for today
Because you never know what tomorrow will bring...
Or what it can take away.
God Hath not promised
Skies always blue
Flower strewn pathways
All our lives through
God hath not promised
Sun without rain
Joy without sorrow
Peace without pain
But god hath promised
Strength for the day
Rest for the labor
Light for the way.
Grace for the trials
Help from above
Unfailing sympathy
Undying love.
I'm thinking back on the past, it's true that time is flying by too fast.
I miss you, I miss your smile, and I still shed a tear every once in a while.
And even though it's different now, you're still here somehow....
My heart wont let you go and I need you to know I miss you
watch this fade away...everything fades away...keep your head up...the colors are beautiful

i really cant believe its been five years..
each day is not a promise, its a gift that has been given to you.
RIP Dad 11/10/03

im falling into memories of you...

its sunday morning, 1030AM, ive been up since 730AM because we had a flag football game which unfortunately we lost be one stupid touchdown...6 to zip. but anyway im gonna go back to sleep but i got caught up reading post secret since it is so addicting... read it...http://postsecret.blogspot.com/...and think about these people's lives..i know we all have our secrets and hard times anf stuff but some of these are so deep..and im sitting here listening to depressing sad music which is just making me be in such a reflective mood...every single person you see has a secret like the ones that are posted on post secret..no matter if they submit it or not. thats alot of hurt people and sometimes very strange people walking around interacting with you every day but somehow every single one of them acts so normal and functions. I dont really have a point; its just fascinating to see the things people really think and care about and its not like each sunday i dont think about it, its just that this week is a tiny bit emotional for me so maybe thats why....but yea other updates on my life include that i got a 126 out of 150 on my orgo test (which i still think might be a mistake, i have checked it twn times since i found out last night to make sure its not a mirage haha)..which is n 84 and the average was a 57..i dont know whether to believe it cuz i seriously doubt i did that well but i feel like its rare to make a mistake online but i will find out for sure on wednesday when i get it back. but honestly i started crying last night when i saw my score cuz i was so happy :) so i really hope its real lol other than that, i saw colb last night! and em and kris spent the night here and we went to the army house so yeaa that was really fun...oh and our first bball game was yesterday for the boys and they did amazing..KIM our new asain player is awesome he had like 20 pts and i think everyone is excited about first korean in the NCAA and maybe even in the NBA! i dont know how we got him but we did and right now, if he can offer some consistency, he will easily take over booms spot of fan favorite..who by the way is ballin it up in romania right now and doing pretty dang good i think lol ooook well im getting tired now..ill prob write tomorrow or something...keep it real and read those postsecrets y'all.



i can tell that you don't know me anymore
its easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
and being on this road is anything but sure
maybe we'll forget, i hope we don't forget...

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth...

imogen heap is amazing. and this day has been filled with hilarious moments..especially at dinner tonight at cheesecake factory..since i will be studying nonstop from now until next tuesday i figured i would give you all another blog..esp cuz lauren is now a dedicated follower of my writing..shoutout to lauren! but ok cheesecake with lauren liz andrew tinsley and tinsleys boyf logan for tinsleys birthday was hilarious..i dont think i have laughed that much in a while...from c note to uncle remus, the gang of waiters at the cheesecake factory are awesome. i wonder if ill get a call from remus :) lol but and i also thouroughly enjoyed laurens stories about the crazy people who come to the bank and offer an expired boating license, have morbidly obsese girlfriend, and make out checks to "my-self" and how she worked at saladworks for one day and falling in a puddle of ranch and crying and calling her mom to come get her lol lauren when you start your blog be sure to recount those stories. so yea that one highlight of my day. The other two were finding out mark and julie from the pool were engaged (so cute!!!) and finding out me and puja have the craziest weirdest couple on the entire planet trying to come on our spring break trip together..like seriously they are strange. and im not having these strange people having sex all over my ASB trip. why would they even pick gaston? do they think we arent mystery solvers and wouldnt put it all together? haha did they think they actually had a chance of doing this? lololol oh my..im tired. night ballers


....Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
speak no feeling, no i dont believe you
you dont care a bit, no you dont care a bit.

open up your plans and damn your free...

So I just got back from EAT your way through college park, SDT's philanthropy. Being the good little sorority girl that I am, I went to support them slash eat tons of food. I am so happy I went because the generics performed and yes they perform at like every one of our waffle late nights so you think i would have maybe looked at them or listened to them by now but no haha so i actually was trying to leave so i wasnt stuck in the house for the whole thing but i got sucked in by their beautiful voices. I think Im in love with 75% of them...esp the aint no sunshine when shes gone boy..wow im so glad no one has the link to my blog right now haha but yea my goal is to find out his name..they also sang im yours by jason mraz...me and deis song...it was amazing...hence where the title of the blog comes in...i never have expressed how much i enjoy that song...this whole musicaly turn of events of the night has inspired me to write down another TOP TEN LIST!!

Top Ten Songs that Make Me :)
10. Live your life -Rihanna and T.I. -just hasnt been around long enough yet o be any higher than this
9. Build Me Up Buttercup!
8. I'm Ready - Jacks Mann
7. Who Knows - Avril Lavigne
6. Seasons of Love - Rent
5. Just A Ride - JEM
4. Soundtrack to your Life - Ashley Parker Angel
3. There's gotta be More to Life - Stacy Orrico
2. I'm yours- Jason Mraz
1. Happy - Natasha Bedingfield (LISTEN TO IT!)


woo...time to do homework unfortunately :(



Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above...

Recount the history of a million years of love and loss in life...

Sherwood has alot of good lyrics for my mood right now...too bad my ipod doesnt allow me to actually listen to what i want to listen to..stupid screen. yea im procrastinating on writing my paper again. because i would much rather write in here. so lets talk about high school musical. aka the best movie ever...jamie i know you understand. I cannot wait to learn all the songs and have a movie marathon because i am that cool. John texted me after he saw it last night and we were freaking out over zacs back definition for about 45 minutes. .i love john haha. like then i was thinking about how some couples were actually on dates on opening night when i went to see the movie. like how much would you have to bribe your boyfriend to come see it with you so they can watch you obsess and scream with the crowd about zac effron. Props to those boys. i know you would never catch my boyfriend there with me which is actually fine with me haha...but yea some people coughcoughjohn! are saying HSM3 was too complicated and glamarous but i would argue that they have such a big fan base and it was the last hoorah and everyone loves them that they can really do whatever the heck they want. besides it was a major motion picture. go big or go home i guess? But vanessa...ahh i dunno i love her and i love the couple in the movie but just knowing they are in love in real life troubles me almost to the point where i hate her. haha wow im crazyyyy but back to sherwood...i remember when i saw them in concert..just by chance cuz they were opening for daphne loves derby..who i met :) or perhaps i should say rob met for me because i was like having a panic attack. if there is one thing i have learned its that i do NOT do well around celebrities...so maybe its a good thing that i never met ashley angel...god is letting me prepare myself so when we finally do meet i can act like a normal person not a 16 year old girl who is obsessed with a boy band and then we will actually have a chance of falling in love...except im gonna make ash and zac fight over me in a hairspray inspired dance offf... cuz thats the one thing they have in common and i will be able to jugde clearly in that moment who i want to spend the rest of my life with...seriously if you were just reading this blog, you would probably think its a 15 year olds thought, not a 20 year olds. lol ok wow back to sherwood...its wierd how i heard them by chance now i love them. how much crap happens in your life that just happens by chance that you cannot imagine your life without it? alot i would say. life really just is all chance...what you make of the chances you get i guess..


You were a song in my head,
The warmth of the sheets in my bed.
A story forever told, but never old,
A warm arrival never left so cold...

smeared black ink..

i hate days where you feel like a waste of life. like seriously i have not done any homework and its already 730..i have a really wierd unsettling feeling inside of me..i dont really feel like im in a good enough place to do work..so im not going to. i did go the grocery store and whitneys sex toy party so the whole day was no lost..i am so exhausted though..i slept til like 3 and i just want to go back to bed. this weekend was homecoming and it was wierd cuz i never really thought about homecoming before. i was in the parade and tailgated (in pouring rain) and I realized how cool the whole concept of homecoming is..its something to look forward to when you leave this place and come back and party and show your maryland pride..but its like i never want to leave maryland cuz i dont wanna be old and lost the pride..but old ppl are so cute..yea but alot of things are going on with my life..friends and school and crap..i feel like im in a huge whirlwind...or maybe the better word would be tornado..i cant really focus on one thing in particular because nothing seems solvable to me right now. everything seems so scary and it is confusing to me because i have one side of me that loves to ignore big things and carry on with my life and not care and not think in detail about anything..but then i have this other side that knows i am just kind of pushing it further and further under the rug and it may very well all explode some time soon. and this part of me knows that it has to explode. its hard to describe but we all have been there. i would much rather pretend everything is great and hope that it works itself out but i gotta ask myself when is the point where i stop lying to myself and take charge of the situation? ughh

Top Ten Favorite Places to Be Academic on Campus

10. On the Mall- This is my least favorite because of course when the weather is bad, every chance of relaxing and doing work is gone, but in the meantime, sitting on the mall equals tan and passing classes and happiness.
9. McKeldin Library- Oh, the good old library. The place to see and be seen. It is possible to do lots of work as long as you go to one of the upper floors and lock your eyes on your papers, but I find I just am constantly on the lookout for people I know, which can be distracting.
8. SigKap House-My sorority house is a great place to TRY to study, but a great place to get things done? I am not sure yet. It seems to me that when 95 girls all know each other, when they get together, it is hard to focus on work. But if you wanna meet some hot girls, ask and ye shall recieve :)
7. CSL Office in Stamp- The Campus Involvement Office downstairs has a special cubible for AB trip leaders and comfy couches to chill on. But do not fret people who are not TL's; there are couches all throughout Stamp for your use.
6. Random classrooms in BPS building- Yes I do it. When class is not in session, empty classrooms are actually a wonderful place to conduct interviews or group study when the very few group study rooms in the libraries are full..then when a class comes, you can sit in on it even..no will would even notice lol
5. Chemistry Library- I like this of course because it has the Bergey's Manual of Prokaryotes..just kidding...but seriously, its so convinient when 75 percent of your classes take place in the massive combination chemistry/physics/engineering/math building
4. Starbucks on Route One- Who doesn't love coffee(or in my case, any drink that does not have coffee in it) and studying? Throw in the occasional cute boy who wanders in and you are in for a great, yet productive night.
3. Hornbake (or as I call it Horn-Bawk-E :) )- This is my go to place because whether I have 20 minutes or 2 hours, there are limited computers and they are always full so this forces me to sit down at a desk with no computer, no phone service, and do something productive with my life.
2. CCC (Cambridge Community Center)-This place is so quiet and has like 10 small rooms where you can zone out...its totally like your in your own world.
1. Regents Garage WAM lab- My favorite place because its never full and has tons of Macs and Windows computers. I am currently here right now as a matter of fact. It is close to everything and you each have a little cubicle so you can spread out your life and not disturb anyone.

More top ten lists to come...

I lost my place but I can't stop this story....

I think the weird part about being a part of something bigger than yourself is that in every group, there is a specific dynamic, and the dynamics are sooo different. I think about how I move from group to group with every part of my day and I kinda wonder..how many identities do I really have? Im really not trying to be deep here but its something I have pondered many times before. Do different parts of you come out at different times of the day or do you only have one identity and when you supress certian parts of it does that mean your being fake? Its wierd for me because I do feel like I am always myself because honestly I could care less about what people think of me (something I was thinking about today thanks to Katie's car at mem walk) but I do adapt and just because you adapt does that mean you are not truely being yourself? Do people see that one group of people will treat you differently than another group of people even when you may be acting the same exact way? What I am saying is that maybe this perceived act of you acting different is really just the act of other people responding to you different. It seems like to me that changing your personality for each person you see each day requires some conscious decision, which I dont believe we all have time to make every second. So even though it seems like we change to blend in with our surroundings, it is not something we naturally do, but it is just a side effect of the world around us...yea I am not really going anywhere in particular with this..just a thought

but the new jack's mannequin CD is amazing as expected..and this weekend was so sweet too..no complaints...lots of work and stuff to do..but no complaints :)


"Yeah I'm alive but I don't need a witness to know that I've survived...
I'm not looking for forgiveness"

dancing machine :)

so today was an amazing day and i am absolutely exhausted. I am an Alternative Spring Break trip leader (yay) and today was our fall retreat from 10-5. We did a million team building acitivities and even the challenge course at the CRC in the rain...Despite the wet and cold, I learned alot...such as everyones names through the dancing machine game, which is a plus since we have been together for a few months already and I was still having a few naming diffuculties. I think ASB trip leaders are such an interesting group the more I think about it. We are all from different cultures and are involved in such a variety of other things around campus. I feel really lucky to be a part of the group because I know I am going to learn an incredible amount from not only my actual trip, but from them as well. Some of them have travelled an incredible amount, or have very different religions, or are even exchange students currently! I nust admit, I am a tad bit worried about the huge responsibility of leading a trip into the unknown, and dealing with a huge issue, such as education, that alot of people feel passionate about. But at the same time, it is so exciting and I know I am capable and that this expierience is going to be life altering without a doubt. Each trip is so different yet we have the same goals, to better ourselves and the world. Today was a great foundation for us as a group and I just wanted to write about it because an essential part of ASB will be reflecting on what we do so I figured why not practicce now?? I cant wait for our training to progress even more in the next months to come...so overall, great day. this week was amazing too cuz it was MY BIRTHDAY!! but no need to bore you with those activities haha..ok i would keep writing but I have become too exhausted to continue...nap time!

stacks on decks

dei is sleeping on the couch next to me, liz is sitting in the chair watching vh1, and im blogging..what a friday night. i am exhausted/want to get ready for the day tomorrow. To update you on my week, it was pretty much horrible and im loving the fact that its over. i had an insane amount of work and random stuff to do...and the ultimate bad part of it is that i sprained my ankle playing soccer on sunday night, and was on crutches monday, tuesday, and wed. Being handicapped around campus sucks so bad, even though i got to ride the cripple bus haha...everything takes twice as long to do which just makes me a hundred times more stressed out when i have no time. My arms are so jacked, and my entire body is sore. i still had to go to work for some crazy reason (i just sat around and did nothing since i obviously couldnt guard people on crutches). The timing of course is terrible because we have our first club bball tourny tomorrow and im in prime training time for the half marthon (21 days til race day). I realized how addicted to exercise i am, because i feel so disgusted that i did not work out for four days because of this. Today, i went to the gym and biked, elipticaled, and swam, which was pretty intense but im glad i did it. Im planning on playing again on monday i think. This whole week has made me realize how awesome my friends are because they have been assisting me so much and doing everything for me. Like sometimes i do take my friends for granted but this week bought me back into seeing how lucky i am...so thanks anyone who reads this. shoutout to james, im sorry you had such a bad streak of luck but i love you :) we had staff advisor interviews for ASB today and it made me realize how much you can tell about a person from five minutes of talking to them...it made me think about how i come off to people...hmmmm...well my birthday is coming up on tuesday and i dont know how i feel about it. kinda not excited yet but that will prob change. hopefully anyway...ok its bedtime for me and my lame self...love you all

"cuz everybody know it aint trickin if you got it" :)

You are not your mind.

So I want to tell everyone about the current obsession in my life: The Power of Now. Its a book by Eckhard Tolle, who is a spiritual teacher, but not for a particular religion. In the book, he references Buddha, Jesus, along with many other religions. But the book is very thought provoking and in my opinion presents an awesome outlook on life. I am not even halfway done with it because it takes a long time to analyze and comprehend but basically, the book is about how you are a prisoner of your mind. It is saying that all negative thoughts, actions, and emotions come from your mind having control over you. It introduces this concept of the Now, and how when you are truely in the present, you are at peace and enlightened. It urges you to throw away the concept of time except when completely nessacary because really what does time mean? All we do have is Now, the present moment. The book talks about how dwelling in the past is letting your mind abuse you, because once you learn your lesson from the past, it is over and done with. There is no point iin thinking about it. Same with the future. If you do not live in the current moment, all you are thinking about is the future, which is not a way to live. The concept of you disconneectinig yourself from your ego will free you. There is so much to think about in this book, and it is very uncomfortable because it is saying that most humans live this way, and that you have to be aware; a watcher of your mind to really change. I think Tolle has an amazing way to approach life, and even if everything he says isnt true to a T, the general ideas he has in here are pretty solid. I really do believe in the Now, and I do believe that each of us can be spiritually enlightened on our own, no matter what religion and no matter what kind of expieriences we have had.



"Forget about your life situation for a while and pay attention to your LIFE." -The Power of Now

you're so last summer...

Wowwww...so I havent written since school started...I could have called that lol..but yea this week has actually been insane. I am so relieved/less stressed knowing that its almost over and my sis and mom are coming to the football game this wekeend vs Cal. I would tell you all about it but in fear that it will just further stress me out, I am going to skip over that junk. I just got back from the wife's place. Me, Dei, Tori and Ash made a list of all of the qualities we would want in a perfect bf but I dont think there is a single person on the entire Earth that encompasses all of the traits we were looking for. With Tori's music requirements,Dei's desire for a man with an extensive vocabulary, Ashleys veggie loving ways, and my longing for a nature loving baller, there is no pleasing us all. Then, the ever so talented wife of mine began to make the Gingerbread house playlist...which of course consists of theme songs for us all describing all lives. it is quite the list and def not finished yet...So, then I attempted to do my physics lab and learn chem until Benfer and Liz and Clara and drunk Mikey came over and commented on how interesting my Thursday nights were and how they were so jealous that I was spending it rewriting my Organic Chemistry notes. So I got guilted into stopping my work and having two beers and playing scene it boys vs. girls (one of our fav. games). Now I'm home and exhausted. I know its only the second week of class but I think I maybe got 20 hours of sleep this whole week. So, off to bed. Love you allll <3

"What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."

cause love is on the move and revolution burns in you

So my sister just introduced me to this amazing Christian band called war that preformed at her Young Life leader conference this weekend at Rockbridge. They are freakin awesome and she let me burn their CD from her and i have been listening to the same 5 songs on repeat for over an hour...my fav is def freedom is a song, which talks about how the concept of freedom in our world today is very messed up and how the world is "on fire and I've fanned the flame, but its time to stand and fight for rain"...thats a pretty cool metaphor if you ask me...and when I think about it, it describes the state of individual people and the world perfectly. I think I actually may be borderline obsessed with this song, its on repeat right now. its leaves you feeling so optimistic that both you and the world can change for the better. Just because something is wrong and crappy and your messing up right now really doesnt mean it has to be that way forever. its like a wake up call and motivational hope anthem all in one. listen to it..im going to bed soon..I am so tired..prerecruitment stuff tomorrow but i seriously had so much fun today at prerecruitment that im not even dreading it or anything which is awesome..props to justine for that...haha i act like these people will be reding my dumb blog..oh well, if they ever do, they will be happy I mentioned them right? riiiight

"Love can replace the hate. Believe it."

still I'm convinced, wondering what if is the worst thing there is...

This is for the record cause I've been holding back too long...
A summer of abandoned words...
look, if i could turn everything into something you thought was nothing, I'd promise to....
So, disguise yourself to hide the scars
It could be worse you know, so leave it how it is
I hope you know that you were my best friend
Tonight I said goodbye, but I should have said more
But I never thought I'd say I'm sorry
Never thought I'd be the one to bring you down
I know I got crazy, I guess that's just me
So, surprise, Scream your heart out,
Inside you will have doubt,
Today it all seems too strong
If only you would try you'd move on
All along, I’ve been looking for the answers to the questions you never asked
and we never planned on this disaster...
but you have to see that i tried everything; tried so hard to let you know
but now i'm on my last thread pulling away to know i'm real
No more holding onto the memory of what didn't last
or waiting for better words cuz they'll never come.
dry your eyes, It's better, Now it's done...
and this cold air brings such a distance to us, such a painful distance
and I'm still waiting for you to say you hate me now..
But now, I'm counting stars wishing I was okay
Crashing down was my biggest mistake
I never ever, ever meant to hurt you
I only did what I had to..
Hey, I'll take this day by day by day...

Wave now goodbye
its the lesson the you've been given.
you can always move on to better things.

because the seasons change was a conduit...

yea...so summer 08 is drawing to a close and it got me thinkin a little bit about my summer in review. overall, pretty freaking sweet...OC, RI, DC, VA, jamie and catherine visiting, hanging out on knox every night, jersey shore, six flags, getting in shape, baseball, bball summer league, getting paid to get tan, A in my summer class, pretty much getting my life together. I kinda dont want everyone to come back to CP though, as bad as that may sound. I like it not crowded and packed everywhere you go. oh well..another semester (specifically number 5 for me) is about to begin. and you know what that means...well for me anyway it means stress and no time to think about anything. it means 18 credits, class every morning at 8AM, club practice, sorority stuff, ASB trip leader training, my job, continuing to train for this half marathon etcccc. ugh so im getting stressed out just thinking about it..so lets stop talking about this..back to summer...as death cab touches on in their song summer skin, everyone changes a little bit during the summer. change can be good its true but why is it that during summer, people think that their actions wont have any consequences later? im guilty of it too and i dont even know why...its like we want ZERO responsibilities during the summer since we dont have our biggest one which is school...and why is summer love and summer flings such a huge deal? everyone loves to be in love during the summer...why? you tell me because i really dont get the urge to be connected to someone all the time all summer long. it can be nice but its in no way nessacary...but i guess thats just my opinion and i dont think im normal. i feel like most people think of summer as their pretend life and at the end of it, we all have to go back to the chore or living..now that i think of it, the three months of summer is like the weekend of the year...hmm theres a deep thought to end this blog on.....peace out homies :)

just another thing no one else probably ever notices...

does anyone else besides me believe that when you put your itunes/ipod on shuffle, the songs that play come up for a reason? its something i think about probably way too much...like when im working out and kanyes workout plan comes up...you know..give head, stop, breathe, get up, check your weave..haha but yea or when im thinking about someone and one of our songs comes up..and then im like man my ipod wants me to talk to that person..its pretty ridiculous but since i do believe in fate i think it kinda has something to do with that..not like the ipod is plotting to fix my life but when songs come up that make you think about your life, i cant help but think that song was supposed to come up....i mean also my ipod is broken so the screen doesnt work therefore i am forced to keep it on shuffle..so my music selection is always completely random..i feel like all the technology in my life is falling apart..my laptop is a pretty sad sight. keys are missing, the screen wont even stay up, and i have to keep it plugged in at ll times since the battery is dead and im too poor to get a new one right now..ok well i was just killing time til mommy got here but shes here now so im off to go school shopping...peaceeeee

my friends are crazy.

its almost midnight and i have work at six am. I am pretty much convinced that my friends are insane but I love them....Im totally gonna blame HMC and james for getting me started with this but because i was almost crying when i was reading heathers poem about jamie (all true by the way), i knew i had to be join the fun (which by the way heath, i am patiently waiting for the post entitled ode to kelsey????) so yea...lets see where this one goes....