change is the only constant....

just wrote my year in review for 2010...and i realized so much amazing stuff has happened to me this year. and the fact that i am so ready to say goodbye to this year has me feeling good. That means that I am going to make some changes in 2011. I was a little scared but I am not anymore...i think I may surprise a few people, but that is the beauty of life. Bring it on 2011.

maybe its me and my blind optimism to blame...

isnt it kinda stupid that you can be happy or sad based on one tiny event or one tiny person? for me lately, every day has been extremely up and extremely down. i want a day where i have some consistent ups...please? its almost christmas and christmas is different for me this year...im on top of my presents and didnt have finals to worry about. aka i actually felt in the christmas spirit the last few weeks. but sometimes especially with my kids i feel underappreciated. i wouldnt say this is too surprising, i just honestly wish they could see how much effort i put into them...the fact that they dont makes me care less, and that is a bad attitude to start 2011 off with, i know that. in other news, little by little, i am gaining a new obsession. well its not totally new but its def getting worse. not at obsession stage before but is now. i was doing soooo good at not obsessing but little by little,this one crept up on me. its only natural but i feel like the rules of everything have changed and the fact that im so confused by them makes me think either i dont know myself or i dont have confidence in myself, both of which sound equally bad to me. i never thought of myself as either but i am unsure of what to do in this situation which ive tried to forget. gr now im rambling, its turning into a stream of consciousness which is ok but means that this prob doesnt make sense to anyone but myself. im gonna continue the creative juice flow in the form of a poem in my poem diary not on here... which may be a tad bit easier to follow than my rant about something specific that im trying not to say anything too specific about (for no reason except my chicken self is still trying to figure it out). ANYWAY...


...you are an expert at sorry and keeping lines blurry....




Please take down the misletoe
Cause I don't wanna think about that right now
Cause everything I want is miles away
In a snow covered little town
My momma's in the kitchen, worrying about me
Season's greetings, hope you're well
Well I'm doing alright
If you were wondering
Lately I can never tell
I know this shouldn't be a lonely time
But there were Christmases when I didn't wonder how you are tonight
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine

tell me baby, do you recognize me?

so tomorrow is monday and only 3 days til we leave for new hampshire to go skiing for christmas! :) we opened a few presents tonight which felt weird since christmas isnt til saturday but we didn't wanna bring everything on the trip so it was nessacary...im really tired but this weekend was a four day weekend because we had two snow days on thursday and friday so it sucks we have to go back for three little days here haha. also christine visited this weekend and i showed her around the county which was awesome i love her, and my sis came home today. so this is the home stretch before the holidays, i got everything done so im ready for it :) shout out to jamie for graduating, love youuu. thats the update

....well its been a year, it doesn't surprise me

last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day you gave it away

say you gotta leave, but i know you wanna stay...

Monday is done, and the week only goes up from here. I had my kids decorate my classroom today after i found some sweet multicolored lights in my science closet. also, i think im writing all my kids personalized christmas cards :) this entry is pointless except i just wanted to point out that i am losing my athletic ability as expected because of lack of using it. hm also i think im addicted to the gym now for a totally different reason than working out....the men there. I like to fantasize about them and obsess and its not really healthy but hey whatever gets me through my run is okay with me. its okay up the point where you see one of them out and drunkenly tell them they are the hottest dad ever. turns out he's not a dad so you try to hook up with him and he rejects you. makes its super awk when you are on ellipticals facing each other for long periods of time. love my life. whatever,he is still the hottest thing to dream about touching in st marys. wow omg i cant believe i just wrote that.

there james, a non thought provoking blog just for you. loveee

its a fight between my heart and mind....

wow i just typed a whole entry then accidentally highlighted it all and pressed erase. why is there no freaking undo key blogspot??!?! gr. i was ranting about technology and the possibility of me changing my blog into something that people would be interested in reading instead of a dairy, but abandoned that after realizing i am not creative enough to blog about things people care about. exhibit a is my twitter. and i like having my dairy online so whatever.

im extremely pissed that i erased everything. hmm what else did i want to say? oh school sucked this week because of one particular student. lauren couldnt come down this weekend so that sucked too. :( overall this weekend was full of running 14 miles for my training, chatting about life, hitting up the solomons christmas lighting thing and browsing the shops, cutting open a deer, holding a snake,learning alot about life on base, winning a wine tasting at jesses while all the old people looked at me like wtf. and i graced one of st marys finest bars with my presence con my mom, oh yea we totally decorated for christmas and i started thinking about what to get people.i really need some ideas for my sis though...hmm also found some cool apps on my phone which i cant stop being addicted to.

anyway, i have alot of thought swirling around in my head lately about life, but i am too scared to reveal them, even to you blog. maybe next time?? sleep is calling

....no one really wins this time.