Recount the history of a million years of love and loss in life...

Sherwood has alot of good lyrics for my mood right now...too bad my ipod doesnt allow me to actually listen to what i want to listen to..stupid screen. yea im procrastinating on writing my paper again. because i would much rather write in here. so lets talk about high school musical. aka the best movie ever...jamie i know you understand. I cannot wait to learn all the songs and have a movie marathon because i am that cool. John texted me after he saw it last night and we were freaking out over zacs back definition for about 45 minutes. .i love john haha. like then i was thinking about how some couples were actually on dates on opening night when i went to see the movie. like how much would you have to bribe your boyfriend to come see it with you so they can watch you obsess and scream with the crowd about zac effron. Props to those boys. i know you would never catch my boyfriend there with me which is actually fine with me haha...but yea some people coughcoughjohn! are saying HSM3 was too complicated and glamarous but i would argue that they have such a big fan base and it was the last hoorah and everyone loves them that they can really do whatever the heck they want. besides it was a major motion picture. go big or go home i guess? But vanessa...ahh i dunno i love her and i love the couple in the movie but just knowing they are in love in real life troubles me almost to the point where i hate her. haha wow im crazyyyy but back to sherwood...i remember when i saw them in concert..just by chance cuz they were opening for daphne loves derby..who i met :) or perhaps i should say rob met for me because i was like having a panic attack. if there is one thing i have learned its that i do NOT do well around celebrities...so maybe its a good thing that i never met ashley angel...god is letting me prepare myself so when we finally do meet i can act like a normal person not a 16 year old girl who is obsessed with a boy band and then we will actually have a chance of falling in love...except im gonna make ash and zac fight over me in a hairspray inspired dance offf... cuz thats the one thing they have in common and i will be able to jugde clearly in that moment who i want to spend the rest of my life with...seriously if you were just reading this blog, you would probably think its a 15 year olds thought, not a 20 year olds. lol ok wow back to sherwood...its wierd how i heard them by chance now i love them. how much crap happens in your life that just happens by chance that you cannot imagine your life without it? alot i would say. life really just is all chance...what you make of the chances you get i guess..


You were a song in my head,
The warmth of the sheets in my bed.
A story forever told, but never old,
A warm arrival never left so cold...

smeared black ink..

i hate days where you feel like a waste of life. like seriously i have not done any homework and its already 730..i have a really wierd unsettling feeling inside of me..i dont really feel like im in a good enough place to do work..so im not going to. i did go the grocery store and whitneys sex toy party so the whole day was no lost..i am so exhausted though..i slept til like 3 and i just want to go back to bed. this weekend was homecoming and it was wierd cuz i never really thought about homecoming before. i was in the parade and tailgated (in pouring rain) and I realized how cool the whole concept of homecoming is..its something to look forward to when you leave this place and come back and party and show your maryland pride..but its like i never want to leave maryland cuz i dont wanna be old and lost the pride..but old ppl are so cute..yea but alot of things are going on with my life..friends and school and crap..i feel like im in a huge whirlwind...or maybe the better word would be tornado..i cant really focus on one thing in particular because nothing seems solvable to me right now. everything seems so scary and it is confusing to me because i have one side of me that loves to ignore big things and carry on with my life and not care and not think in detail about anything..but then i have this other side that knows i am just kind of pushing it further and further under the rug and it may very well all explode some time soon. and this part of me knows that it has to explode. its hard to describe but we all have been there. i would much rather pretend everything is great and hope that it works itself out but i gotta ask myself when is the point where i stop lying to myself and take charge of the situation? ughh

Top Ten Favorite Places to Be Academic on Campus

10. On the Mall- This is my least favorite because of course when the weather is bad, every chance of relaxing and doing work is gone, but in the meantime, sitting on the mall equals tan and passing classes and happiness.
9. McKeldin Library- Oh, the good old library. The place to see and be seen. It is possible to do lots of work as long as you go to one of the upper floors and lock your eyes on your papers, but I find I just am constantly on the lookout for people I know, which can be distracting.
8. SigKap House-My sorority house is a great place to TRY to study, but a great place to get things done? I am not sure yet. It seems to me that when 95 girls all know each other, when they get together, it is hard to focus on work. But if you wanna meet some hot girls, ask and ye shall recieve :)
7. CSL Office in Stamp- The Campus Involvement Office downstairs has a special cubible for AB trip leaders and comfy couches to chill on. But do not fret people who are not TL's; there are couches all throughout Stamp for your use.
6. Random classrooms in BPS building- Yes I do it. When class is not in session, empty classrooms are actually a wonderful place to conduct interviews or group study when the very few group study rooms in the libraries are full..then when a class comes, you can sit in on it even..no will would even notice lol
5. Chemistry Library- I like this of course because it has the Bergey's Manual of Prokaryotes..just kidding...but seriously, its so convinient when 75 percent of your classes take place in the massive combination chemistry/physics/engineering/math building
4. Starbucks on Route One- Who doesn't love coffee(or in my case, any drink that does not have coffee in it) and studying? Throw in the occasional cute boy who wanders in and you are in for a great, yet productive night.
3. Hornbake (or as I call it Horn-Bawk-E :) )- This is my go to place because whether I have 20 minutes or 2 hours, there are limited computers and they are always full so this forces me to sit down at a desk with no computer, no phone service, and do something productive with my life.
2. CCC (Cambridge Community Center)-This place is so quiet and has like 10 small rooms where you can zone out...its totally like your in your own world.
1. Regents Garage WAM lab- My favorite place because its never full and has tons of Macs and Windows computers. I am currently here right now as a matter of fact. It is close to everything and you each have a little cubicle so you can spread out your life and not disturb anyone.

More top ten lists to come...

I lost my place but I can't stop this story....

I think the weird part about being a part of something bigger than yourself is that in every group, there is a specific dynamic, and the dynamics are sooo different. I think about how I move from group to group with every part of my day and I kinda wonder..how many identities do I really have? Im really not trying to be deep here but its something I have pondered many times before. Do different parts of you come out at different times of the day or do you only have one identity and when you supress certian parts of it does that mean your being fake? Its wierd for me because I do feel like I am always myself because honestly I could care less about what people think of me (something I was thinking about today thanks to Katie's car at mem walk) but I do adapt and just because you adapt does that mean you are not truely being yourself? Do people see that one group of people will treat you differently than another group of people even when you may be acting the same exact way? What I am saying is that maybe this perceived act of you acting different is really just the act of other people responding to you different. It seems like to me that changing your personality for each person you see each day requires some conscious decision, which I dont believe we all have time to make every second. So even though it seems like we change to blend in with our surroundings, it is not something we naturally do, but it is just a side effect of the world around us...yea I am not really going anywhere in particular with this..just a thought

but the new jack's mannequin CD is amazing as expected..and this weekend was so sweet too..no complaints...lots of work and stuff to do..but no complaints :)


"Yeah I'm alive but I don't need a witness to know that I've survived...
I'm not looking for forgiveness"